Adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys - Part 2 We Love Ann

(We start of in scenic Point Grey, British Columbia an almost exclusively wealthy Asian enclave of Vancouver proper at the home of Cedric Woodtall.  He is seated in the television room with his companion of 30 years Hamish Benward.  They are watching their favorite American woman the controversial columnist Ann Coulter on their 120 inch Led television set.  Cedric admires Ann's candor. Hamish is reminded of his junior high school days when he had a girlfriend before he met Cedric)



CEDRIC - "That damn Allan Rock is up to his no good tricks again.   First he tries to take law abiding citizens guns away, then his university gags Ann."

HAMISH - "Where is his mojo?  When he was younger he stood up to the establishment by smoking pot and dancing around naked with John Lennon and Yoko Ono to protest the Vietnam war."

CEDRIC - "Now he lets the Nazi tribunal dictate whats acceptable speech at the university of Ottawa."

HAMISH - "Would you believe whenever I see Ann Coulter on TV I get an instant erection.  Reminds me of my misguided youth before I met you Cedric."

CEDRIC - "I love Ann.  What I bloody pity that she was not born with a penis."

Adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys - Part 1 - At Her Majesty's Service

(We start our scene in scenic Point Grey British Columbia, a wealthy almost exclusively Asian enclave of Vancouver proper.  We are at the home of Cedric Woodtall & Hamish Benward the only people of European decent that reside within their neighborhood.  Cedric is a balding red headed man in his late 40s,  who used to be very athletic in his youth.  However he now appears to have the body type of a chef.  Hamish is a balding blond haired man who is also  in his late 40s.  Like his companion Cedric, Hamish used to be very athletic in his youth however now he too resembles a chef. Hamish is seated in his black leather armchair listening to classical music and leafing through the atlas of Europe in anticipation of their trip to Europe this summer, while Cedric is busy writing his two hundred and forty-third letter to the Right Honourable Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada.  Hamish reaches for the remote control and turns off the music).

HAMISH - "Have you given any thought on which cities in Europe we should explore this summer?"

CEDRIC - "Please don't remind me of Europe.  You know how much I hate the place and their anti-Canadian attitude."

HAMISH - "Might I remind you yet again for the one hundredth time, one vacation where you like to go followed by one vacation where I like to go."

CEDRIC - "I was hoping that you would have enjoyed our last trip to Texas.  Ever since the movie Brokeback Mountain, I cannot seem to get enough of the place."

HAMISH - "If you have such a strong preference for cowboys, why did you wind up with me?"

CEDRIC - "I have an even stronger preference for rugby players, especially the prop flavour.  I am curious which European country will we have to endure this time?  I certainly hope its not Spain again."


HAMISH - "How about visiting Belgium and the Netherlands?  The food is excellent, the sweets even better and the terrain is nice and flat for walking about or cycling.  We can visit the Van Gough museum then we can tour the European Union headquarters on the Belgium chocolate tour leg."

CEDRIC - "How about we wave our middle fingers at the closed circuit security cameras at the EU headquarters in Brussels and give them Europeacrats the Pierre Trudeau salute."

HAMISH - "There you go again with that jingoist attitude of yours.  Why does every visit to a non English speaking jurisdiction provoke this desire within you to cause an international incident?"

CEDRIC - "You know I don't like the Jingos.  I don't like the smell of their cooking and I do not like what they have done to our neighborhood.  Twenty years ago we heard birds singing in the morning, now we listen to young jingos revving their Ferraris that their parents gave them."

HAMISH - "Cedric, you have to stop getting your knickers in a knot or you will have another angina attack.  Calm down for a moment and breathe slowly. "

(Cedric pauses and uses the breathe slowly relaxation technique that was taught to him by his therapist, who also happens to be a Certified Shamanic Practitioner.   We slowly see Cedric regaining his composure and his knickers getting unbunched.)

CEDRIC - "On a different topic, I have just finished writing a letter to the Right Honorable Stephen Harper.  I would appreciate your opinion so as long as you don't mind I would like to read it out to you."

HAMISH - "You still have not convinced me that you have gotten over your crush on Stephen Harper,  according to my gaydar he is as straight as a pin.."

CEDRIC - "Then explain to me why he insists on being referred to as Stephen instead of Steve?"

HAMISH - "Cedric for the last time, if our Prime Minister Stephen Harper was queer,,, he would insist on being referred to as Stephane Harper or would that be Steffan Harper?  Anyhow read away.

CEDRIC - "Dear Prime Minister Harper,  As a patriotic Canadian it sickens me when foreign radicals attack our oil sands on the world stage.  I recognize the importance of oil sands royalties in keeping our taxes low.  I enjoy a European level of service combined with a tax rate that is lower than the USA.  I take personal offense with these foreign yahoos to such an extent that I offer my humble services to the crown.  I am independently wealthy & I travel the world.  I own a cricket bat from my high school days & I want to use it to inflict a savage beating on one of our Country's foreign enemies.  Could the Government of the Dominion of Canada grant me a license to beat foreigners senseless with my trusty cricket bat while in Her Majesty's service.   Faithfully yours,   Cedric Woodtall"

CEDRIC - "Do you think my letter is too harsh?"


HAMISH - "Absolutely not, we should be more aggressive as a country.  Its not our fault that we sit on the worlds largest oil deposit.  Its time that Canada beat some player haters senseless."

(At that moment the antique alarm clock chimes at 4:00PM.  Cedric & Hamish walk over to the antique credenza where their well stocked  bar is kept.  They pour two small shots of scotch and raise their glasses).

CEDRIC & HAMISH - "God save the Queen"


(They wash back their liquor)

Adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys

(We start off  in scenic Point Grey, British Columbia an exclusive wealthy almost entirely Asian enclave within the City of Vancouver proper. We are at the home of Cedric Woodtall.  Cedric resides with his friend Hamish Benward, and they have been living together since finishing private school (preparatory school for Americans or public school for the British).  Our setting is a beautiful tree lined street with one tasteful 1950s executive home with a yard, that is completely surrounded by monster pink stucco and brick boxes that lack yards.  At one time the entire street used to be comprised of 1950s executive homes however all the original homeowners except for one sold their houses to big money Asian buyers that flattened the tasteful homes and built stucco monstrosities.  The one tasteful house was spared as it belonged to Peter Rogers the wealthy never married brother of Cedric Woodtall's mother.  He passed away 30 years ago leaving his nephew Cedric with the Point Grey home and a sizable trust fund.  Welcome to the adventures of the Rich Conservative Gay Guys)

(We pan the scene to a living room that is simply but tastefully decorated with black leather couches, black leather overstuffed chairs and heirloom antiques.  On the wall we see a official portrait photograph of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the 2nd as well as an autographed portrait of Prime Minister Stephen Harper.  The living room has every high end bleeding edge electronic gadget imaginable and in the corner is a well stocked liquor cabinet.  We see Cedric for the first time, a man in his late 40s who used to be athletic but now  resembles a chef entering the room.  He stands approximately 5'10", with balding short reddish hair, glasses and a mustache.  He is dressed in a cardigan sweater, wool slacks, wingtip oxfords and he is wearing a St. George's private school old boys tie.  He sits in a black overstuffed chair and presses some buttons on the right armrest.  We see the wall open up revealing a 120 inch 3d Led television set that is less than an inch thick.  He turns the TV to the Antiques Roadshow and settles down in the chair.  Shortly thereafter we see Hamish for the first time, a man in his late 40s who used to be athletic but now resembles a chef.  Hamish stands approximately 6'3", with balding short blonde hair, glasses and no mustache.  He is dressed in a cardigan sweater, wool slacks, wingtip oxfords and he is wearing a St. George's private school old boys tie as well.  He sits in another overstuffed leather chair.)

CEDRIC - "Hello, my name is Cedric Woodtall & my companion on the other chair is named Hamish Benward.  We are Shreddy's newest composite characters, the Rich Conservative Gay Guys."

HAMISH - "We were created as a composite of Shreddy's conservative gay friends to help dispel some of the negative stereotypes of gay men."

CEDRIC - "Contrary to most popular beliefs the majority of gay men are very conservative."

HAMISH - "We are comfortable with who we are as we were born this way.  Since we tend not to be breeders, we have more economic resources at our disposal and we treasure our friends more deeply that any other population demographic."

CEDRIC - "The best platonic friend a man or woman can have is a conservative gay friend.  If it was not for a little help from his Log Cabin friends, Shreddy would not have got as far in life as he did."


HAMISH - "Being born conservative, white, into money, in a western democracy and gay is winning Mother Nature's lottery.  Life is great and we share the fabulous time."

CEDRIC - "Which brings me to the topic of those fellows that you see on TV that are raising a ruckus and prancing about in all sorts of foolish manner.  They are not even gay."

HAMISH - "They are simply acting out on their anger against their fathers."

Biggest Winner of 2011 - Kim Jong-un

At age 28 having a million man army at ones disposal along with a half dozen atomic bombs.

Not a bad job if one could get it.

Should Canada Hunt Down and Physically Hurt Foreign Critics of Our Tar Sands?

Why does Greenpeace pick Canada as a target of their criticisms yet is silent about China or Russia?

Because Greenpeace knows that they can pick on Canada without facing consequences.

If Greenpeace Russia tried to bring attention to oil drilling on the Russian tundra or the Arctic Ocean,,,,,,,  Russia would send an agent to pay a visits to the Greenpeace activist; warn the Greenpeace activist that if they continue to criticize Russia the agent will return a second time.  The Greenpeace activist would choose to remain silent as they do not want a second and final visit.

If Greenpeace China tried to criticize the Chinese for shark fining, damming rivers and killing porpoises, or building thousands of coal fired power plants,,,,,,,  China would jail the Greenpeace activist as an enemy of the people.  When there was a transplant patient of the same blood type that could use the body parts of the Greenpeace activist???????  The Greenpeace activist would get two bullets behind the ear and their body parts would be harvested. Greenpeace China does not criticize what China does as they know what China would do to Greenpeace,


It is time for Canada to stop being pussies.   Greenpeace International picks on Canada because they know that they can get away with it.  If Canada grabbed the most vocal foreign anti tar sands activists and beat them senseless with hockey sticks.............  We would not be getting harassed by professional foreign malcontents.

To Suffer Fools Gladly - Is There Any Point?

As I get older, I have less time on this earth.  As I have less time, I value each moment more and more.  As I have grown wiser I have learned that the best way to maximize one's enjoyment is to keep the fools and the scoundrels out of one's life.  However once in a while life throws you a curve-ball and one needs to adapt.  Soon I will have my ability to adapt tested.  Soon I will see if I can suffer complete fools gladly.

Why?

An Example of Why Southern Europe is so Screwed Up

It is called the siesta, the midday nap.  When the country is bursting with tourists eager to spend wads of money, at the height of the midday buying frenzy, everybody closes shop and decides to take an afternoon nap.  As a tourist one often finds oneself stranded, wishing that one can throw Euros at a need and make it go away.  You wonder how on earth can something  as, nobody willing to make money when the most money is to be made occurs,  in a supposed free capitalist society?

If you wonder why some enterprising young person doesn't open their own service business that stays open during nap time.  One that is so profitable that it becomes the dominant player in the market place.  It is because the privilege to open ones own business has to be granted by some state or guild authority, with the number of these privileges being severely restricted.

The simplest way for Southern Euro-zone members to stimulate economic growth is to unleash the entrepreneurial talents of Europe's two most marginalized groups,  young Europeans and immigrants of non-European ancestry.  2012 will have lots of North American tourists with money to spend hoping some enterprising people will provide a service to make their needs go away.

The Toughest Battle of All

Compared to quitting smoking, losing 100 pounds (45 kilos to Europeans) and keeping it off is easy.  I have quit smoking for up to 18 months and I have quit countless times.    This time Christy Clarke the Premier of the Province of British Columbia is assisting me with BC's twelve week assistance program for those who are trying to quit smoking.  The province mailed me a twelve week supply of nicotine replacement patches and I slapped my first one on yesterday.  To further assist me with quitting, I am taking 300 mg of Bupropion (Zyban) daily in an extended release dose.  The combination of these two treatments has been found to be the most effective aid in quitting smoking (smeauking if one is sexy).

I sure hope that they can work for me.