Climbing towards a million...... With the help of my Serbian Mistresses

Here I am late April, 8 days to the filing deadline, enough tax returns to do to crush the chest cavity of a steer.

In prior years this last stage of April would bring about a feral state in my psyche. I would jack myself on enough Red Bull to wire and African Elephant, and stop eating regular meals while subsisting on my accumulated fat reserves. If I started showing some signs of doziness, my staff would guess what my body might need, go to the friendly fast food place and garb a bag of processed food facsimile. I would be fed like an animal in the zoo, and if I was to far jacked, I would be regressed to a two year old while my assistants told me to open the hanger for an airplane.

This year, I have been doing things differently. Having preemptively downsized before the financial tsunami, I am entering the final space without excess fat reserves, or spare workstations where I can flip to another file during the dead time increments that occur while a tax return is printing. In the past during the four minutes or so it took to print a return, I would jump to a spare desk, where another file was waiting for me, and make progress on it while waiting for the previous file to print. This year with no spare workstations, the ability to work on another file is severely constrained because of the risk of realizing my greatest fear. Cross contamination of client financial information. I can no longer open a new client file while a current client file is open.

This inability to switch between jobs during dead times perplexed me. Luckily, my personal coach saw this as my golden opportunity to fine tune my "Prison Body Workout".

I had been keeping my lift tonnages constant, while going through tax season. Basically staying in the range of 28,000lbs to 50,000 lbs per week. To archive these volumes of weight, I had been spending time with my heavier dumbbells. The 30 pounders "Jovanke"(Joвaнкe), the 25 pounders "Bogdanice"(Бoгдaницe), and my 20 pounders "Slobodice"(Слoбoдицe). My Serbian lovers (my nickname for my dumbbells) have been kind to me, I have been gaining upper body bulk and strength. My personal coach however had noticed a problem. My lateral muscles were bulking up, and were starting to impede the range of motion for my arms. While it may look impressive, it can get so bad that you can no longer wipe your bum like a guy, or put your fists in front of ones face to transfer kinetic energy.

I needed to address this problem, while I wanted to keep my tonnage total moving. Time for two new Serbian Mistresses. I decided on 10 pounders, and I named them my "Svetlane" Светланe, after Светлана Ражнатовић, Arkan's widow, better known as the turbo-folk singer Sesa (Сеца). They were going to be my source of pain and pleasure during the final stages of tax season.

Instead of doing short sets with the "Jovanke" Joвaнкe, I was going to go at my "Svetlane" Светланe, at hard long endurance bursts. Instead of eight goes at the Joвaнкe, I would do 50+ with my Светланe.

My trainer had spent time closely observing how I went about my daily routine. he had noticed that I had two predicable sets of dead-time. The first would be when I was printing tax returns and waiting for the batch to come out of my high speed lazer printer. The second occurred when I was waiting for the time for a copy to come out of the photocopier. He had an idea. The time I would have wasted while a husband and wife's tax returns were printing would allow me to do a set of 40 to 55 repetitions fast and hard with my Светланe. The time to print a single tax return allowed me to do a set of 20 to 25 goes doing inverse exercises with my Светланe (kinda kinky :) ). The time for my photocopies allowed me to do a complete proper backwards shoulder stretch while waiting for the paper to come out of the machine.

End result, during my busiest time of the year, my tonnages are going up. My flexibility is returning to my shoulders (I used to be double jointed), and I am getting faster and stronger quickly....

It's amazing what one can accomplish if one looks at time from a new perspective, and has some help from a pair of Serbian Mistresses. Oh moje Светланe, brzo, dugo i težko....... Banja Luka here I come ;-)...........