When it comes to fitness, guys love to boast. Most men who workout more than once a decade can tell you how much they can bench press. Guys that go running more than once a year can tell you the distance they can go. Guys will tell you how many push ups they can do, since any guy gay or straight who is not a fag can do at least ten.......
Now imagine this scenario, twenty men in a room, 10 white guys and ten Chinese guys. An attractive female facilitator walks in and lets the men know that in five minutes they are going to start to talk about the size of their peckers.... The white guys feel a sense of supremacy, and deep down wish they could tart screaming Zeig Heil, until the defensive line of a NFL team walks in.
If you can visualize what must be going through the white guys heads, you can understand mens shame around chin ups and pull ups.
Here is what I have figured out so far. The % of men aged 40 to 49 who could do:
A> One wide grip pull up - Less than 1%
B> One pull up any grip - Less than 5%
C> One chin up - Less than 10%
The chin up and the pull up are the two equalizers of the fitness world, sort of like the rifle is to combat. They are pure measures in the sense of how strong are you relative to your own body weight. That is why they are probably the two most crucial fitness measures that are used by the military of any country to select soldiers for the special forces. After all who needs a 300lb roided out ape that can't even pull its own mass up to a steel bar....
So here are Canada's standards to the best of my knowledge:
Her Majesty's Airborne - Seven chin ups, and you can be thrown out of an airplane behind enemy lines and shoot evil Arab terrorists on their home turf.
Her Majesty's JTF2 - Thirteen pull ups, and you can be parts of small teams that snatch evil Arab terrorists, and hand them over to our allies to torture.
Her Majesty's Armed Forces Reservist - Have a pulse, and be able to do more push ups than a fag, you can volunteer for Afghanistan, and shoot at evil Arab terrorists after they shoot at you first.
Her Majesty's Guest of a Military Prison - Shoot at an evil Arab terrorist before he shoots at you first.
Her Majesty's Guest of a Provincial Jail - Beat up an evil Arab terrorist in Canada and refuse to take anger management counselling. The guest that can do the most chin ups gets to eat apple cobbler first plus they get all the apple cobbler they want. If there is not enough apple cobbler for the rest of the guests, too bad.
So what is the Heretic up to???????
He is not working himself to death for the almighty dollar........
He is not sitting in a Lazy Boy chair watching televised sports and eating nachos......
He is listening to inspirational music, such as Ozzy, Thompson, Iron Maiden, etc. and torturing his old body at the altar of chin ups and pull ups.....
To rephrase the opening of a song by the Offspring....
"Hey man you know I'm really OK
My chin up bar will tell you the same.
When I'm on the street don't give me no crap
I can do several chin ups and I just might snap...."
1 comments:
I am certain Patrick Swayze could do many chin ups and pull ups.
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