One of the factors that weighed on my decision to learn to row was safety. Water was softer than concrete, and you didn't have to worry about some inattentive idiot in a motor vehicle running you down while busy text messaging. There appeared to be a very limited set of external X factors that could mess up ones day. But I had forgotten about the greatest X factor of all. My own clumsiness........
I arrived at the rowing club ready for action. I met my instructor, and my first step was learning the basic body movements of a stroke on a rowing machine. The initial pull came from your quadriceps, followed by the back and finally the arms. The return was the exact opposite, arms forward, back forward and when the elbows were ahead of your knees, legs forward. After a couple of minutes, I got the hang of the stroke basics and I sensed that my body was quite powerful, and that I had the raw ponies to take me fast......
The second step was getting the gear to the dock. This was going to be fun. Dressed in tight clothing to show off the new body, and getting to carry the oars to the dock. Peacock hour had arrived:) Next came carrying the racing scull to the dock. Too bad that it was cold and I had to have my wick away jerseys on or it would have been time for some slutty back poses...... Place the scull in the water.
Finally the pre-rowing scull setup and safety lesson. Lock the oars into the oarlock that is on the end of the outriggers. Move the seat to the very back position on the slide. Grab both oar handles and move sideways from the dock to place right foot on the right footrest followed by lowering ones buttocks to the sliding seat, followed by taking the left foot off the dock and placing it in the left footrest. Holding both oar handles in one hand use the free hand to strap your feet into the footrests so that they are tied down firmly. Most important of all, always hold on to you oar handles with YOUR THUMBS PLANTED FIRMLY OVER THE END........
The closest analogy I could think of for operating a single racing scull is sitting on a skateboard, with your feet strapped firmly to a second skateboard and holding a balance pole while moving down a high wire tightrope backwards....... Not at all what I had originally expected..... The oars were your sole means of steering, your sole means of propulsion and your primary means of balance. As long as the oars were out, your hands were firmly on the handles and your thumbs were securely on the ends you were able to maintain balance provided you did not have your spine forward of the oar handles.
I started rowing away from the dock starting purely with arm motion until I got comfortable with it, and eventually you would introduce the back motions and finally the leg motions. Everything was going well so far, I had a basic stroke down, I had figured out how to use the oar blade, and I learned how to stop the scull quickly.
Now came the fun part, learning how to turn. A single racing scull has no rudder, you turn using the oars. The simplest turn involves holding one oar out stationary and perpendicular from the scull all the way out with the blade in the flat position for balance, while making small strokes with the other oar to effect steering. As long as you keep your hands firmly on the handles with your thumbs on the end of the oars you were OK so long as your spine did not go fore of the oar handle.
With my coordination I suddenly found myself with my spine ahead of the right oar handle. When caught in that situation, you immediately move you spine back, and your arms forward while holding on to the oars, so as to achieve a balance state. I on the other hand in a moment of panic let go of the oars and tried to reach for both outriggers while lowering my centre of gravity in the hopes that this would help me gain stability. Big mistake.
I got the right oar handle jammed against my rib and it caught on my Mandex jersey while my upper body weight was headed towards the outriggers. I inadvertently turned the oar into an uncontrollable lever with one of my ribs becoming an involuntary fulcrum. I felt two cracks occur in rapid succession, the first was my rib while the second was the outrigger snapping followed by the scull flipping over with me strapped in it. My worst fear had come to fruition, I was underwater in an upside down racing scull in a highly polluted body of water with my feet strapped above my head. It was pitch black but luckily I had practiced this worst case scenario over and over again without a boat in a public swimming pool pretending to unstrap my feet upside down under water with my eyes closed. I unstrapped my feet, swam to the surface of the water and pulled myself over to the flipped over scull and held on for life.
The instructor seeing what happened sped over in the safety dinghy, and told me to swim over to him, and he would get me to the dock. I swam to him, got pulled from the inner harbour, and made it safely to the dock. I was cold, numb, wet and the adrenaline was pumping. I did not feel anything wrong at the time. We got another scull ready and I started to row again. I was enjoying myself thoroughly, and even though I was freezing cold and wet, I was trying to race the harbour ferry. I kept rowing for another hour and a half, and on my way back to the dock, I fell into the drink the second time. Luckily I didn't wreck one of the clubs sculls this time.
I had finished day one of the two day adult "Learn to Row" lesson. I had succeeded in tying the club record for trips into the harbour by a newbie and I was only halfway through the lesson. I had also succeeded in snapping a carbon fibre outrigger, and fracturing my lower right floating rib. So much for my pre-conception of rowing being safer than cycling.
Thank goodness that modern science has come up with synthetic opiates, or I would be in unbearable pain. What I can say is that I have never had as much fun with my clothes on as I had rowing a single racing scull. I can't wait for my rib to heal enough so I can get back onto the water and complete my adults beginners rowing class.
Being a pure blooded Hercegovian means being built near indestructible, being built to sink, and being foolhardy enough to keep trying out to see how close to indestructible one is. Thank you Mom and Dad for my genes......
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Taking the plunge...
Today I will attempt something new for the first time in my life. I am taking a beginners adult rowing class.
Why am I doing it? Mainly because at age 43, I suddenly find myself soon to be single again. My other reasons are:
1> I need a new physical challenge
2> Of all athletes, Rowers have by far the best bodies
3> Of all athletes, Rowers tend to have the highest average IQ's
4> Other than going back to a mountainside village in Bosnia & Hercegovina, a Rowing Club is one of the few places where one can meet a suitable woman that's worth bring home to show mom.
I would never date a woman I met in a pub (all she would show is she likes to drink).
I would never date a woman I met in a Night Club (likes to drink, stay up to late, and possibly snort her face off).
I would never date a woman I work with (no fishing off the company pier)
By default, I have to find something new that I enjoy, and see how life happens....
Where is my 6'3" Lithuanian Goddess that can carry me in a fireman's carry faster than I can carry her.....
Why am I doing it? Mainly because at age 43, I suddenly find myself soon to be single again. My other reasons are:
1> I need a new physical challenge
2> Of all athletes, Rowers have by far the best bodies
3> Of all athletes, Rowers tend to have the highest average IQ's
4> Other than going back to a mountainside village in Bosnia & Hercegovina, a Rowing Club is one of the few places where one can meet a suitable woman that's worth bring home to show mom.
I would never date a woman I met in a pub (all she would show is she likes to drink).
I would never date a woman I met in a Night Club (likes to drink, stay up to late, and possibly snort her face off).
I would never date a woman I work with (no fishing off the company pier)
By default, I have to find something new that I enjoy, and see how life happens....
Where is my 6'3" Lithuanian Goddess that can carry me in a fireman's carry faster than I can carry her.....
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Laughing my face off....
Here is a link to a New York Times story that made me laugh so hard I almost pee'd......
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/06/your-money/financial-planners/06money.html?_r=1&8dpc
It's almost as if the World Federation of Heroin Pushers are trying to mount a public relations campaign. If there was a plague that only struck financial advisers (salespeople), and half of them dropped dead, the world would be a better place.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/06/your-money/financial-planners/06money.html?_r=1&8dpc
It's almost as if the World Federation of Heroin Pushers are trying to mount a public relations campaign. If there was a plague that only struck financial advisers (salespeople), and half of them dropped dead, the world would be a better place.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Humainity's Dark and Dismal Future
The Dysgenic Effect - The producing, the accumulation and perpetuation of defective or disadvantageous genes and traits in offspring in a particular population or species.
This is the opposite of natural selection where advantages are conferred to future generations through the weeding out of disadvantages.
We as a species have thrown the laws of nature out the window. The fittest and most capable humans are not replacing themselves while the less able are watching their numbers increase.
My prediction is that if one were to step out of a time machine 500 years into the future, assuming that there are human beings still left alive... The average human of 500 years from now would be considered a near-retard by today's standards. If we continue with the average IQ declining each generation, and assuming there is no acceleration of the decline (highly unlikely), the person of 500 years from now will have to be told not to eat their own fececs.
In the past before the advent of birth control, we as a species bred at maximum intensity. The fittest pairs would have more than two children survive to adulthood, while the less fit would have less than two children survive to adulthood. Natural selection was helping to improve our species.
Now the unfit, uneducated and inbred (Muslim products of first cousin marriages) are reproducing at a rate of more than two children per pair surviving to adulthood. While the athletic, educated and well bred are barley reproducing, if at all.
Who cares about Global Warming, when we as a species are negatively breeding ourselves into oblivion...
This is the opposite of natural selection where advantages are conferred to future generations through the weeding out of disadvantages.
We as a species have thrown the laws of nature out the window. The fittest and most capable humans are not replacing themselves while the less able are watching their numbers increase.
My prediction is that if one were to step out of a time machine 500 years into the future, assuming that there are human beings still left alive... The average human of 500 years from now would be considered a near-retard by today's standards. If we continue with the average IQ declining each generation, and assuming there is no acceleration of the decline (highly unlikely), the person of 500 years from now will have to be told not to eat their own fececs.
In the past before the advent of birth control, we as a species bred at maximum intensity. The fittest pairs would have more than two children survive to adulthood, while the less fit would have less than two children survive to adulthood. Natural selection was helping to improve our species.
Now the unfit, uneducated and inbred (Muslim products of first cousin marriages) are reproducing at a rate of more than two children per pair surviving to adulthood. While the athletic, educated and well bred are barley reproducing, if at all.
Who cares about Global Warming, when we as a species are negatively breeding ourselves into oblivion...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Breaking the 100 Oblique Twist Sit Up Barrier
Here is a picture of a 30 year old middle class white professional man destined for an early grave.
Here is a picture of the same middle class white professional man 14 years later at age 44.
The picture above was a result of environmental factors namely; the North American diet; and a sedentary lifestyle.
The picture below is a result of; fearing the natural consequences of the picture above and the modified TINJ diet.
To get from the picture above to the picture below, I DID NOT DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING:
1> Join a Gym
2> Take up any traditional aerobic activity like jogging, stair climbers, exercise bikes or swimming.
3> Quit smoking.
What I did do was sit ups. Lots of sit ups. In the first picture I was capable of TWO sit ups in a non stop set. In the second photo, I am capable of 100+ oblique twist sit ups in a non stop set.
The Oblique Twist Sit Up is what gave Mohamed Ali & Sylvester Stallone their body core. UNLESS YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING AN UNINTERRUPTED SET OF 30 SIT UPS, WITH A FURTHER UNINTERRUPTED SET OF 30 SIT UPS THE FOLLOWING DAY DO NOT ATTEMPT AN OBLIQUE TWIST SIT UP. You can potentially damage your spinal cord.
To do an Oblique Twist sit up, you require either a spotter to hold down your feet, or a door bottom/piece of furniture to anchor your feet. Start by putting your hand behind your neck and interlocking your fingers. Lie down on your back with feet anchored and fingers interlocked behind your head. Sit up and twist so that your right elbow touches your left knee all the while keeping your hands behind your neck. Sit back until your back touches the ground, and sit up again with a twist this time your left elbow touches your right knee. If you did this properly, you just completed two oblique twist sit ups.
If you let your back roll with your momentum, you risk slipping a disk or damaging a vertebrae. If you pull your neck forward with your hands so as to make it easier for your elbow to touch the alternate knee you run the risk of spinal cord damage. Doing this exercise in proper form isolates your oblique muscles, and your lower abs muscles. Exercising the obliques pulls your inards into your rib cage. Exercising your lower abs tightens all the muscles under your belly button effectively making a certain piece of the male anatomy effectively longer. Doing a lot of these sit ups hurts like hell.
I had initially set the goal of being able to do more than 100 sit ups in a set by my 44th birthday. I later increased the goal to being able to exceed 100 oblique twist sit ups in a set by my birthday. I had been up until recently using Helen of Troy/Medusa images to psyche myself up before my sit up sets, but as of late I had been plateauing. I could only hit 100 oblique twists in a super set (90 non stop and a further 10 after 30 seconds rest), and I could not for the life of me go any higher. It was time to put Helen of Troy to rest, and find a new focus of desire to help me break through my pain barrier. Was it going to be two Serbian women both named Jovanka? Or three demented Russian babes named Svetlana? No, it had to be the ultimate most decadent form of self indulgence I knew of....
It had to be a gourmet cheesecake.
Yesterday while doing my nightly set of 70 oblique twists, I realized I felt good at the 50 sit up mark. I decided to see if I could focus my mind as I approached my pain threshold and GO FOR BROKE. At sit up number 70 I promised myself a five inch Cheesecake 101 gourmet cake if I could exceed 100. By sit up 90 the image of the cake was firmly in my mind and I was in uncharted territory, but then I decided to raise the bar higher, to exceed 100 non stop and if I exceeded 105 non stop, I would buy myself two 5 inch cheesecakes. It was just the inspiration I needed because I pushed myself to 106, non stop with no 30 second rest at any point. My prize, the sorest abs I have ever had and a 5 inch classic cherry cheesecake, with a yet to be decided 5 inch cheesecake for dessert.
Goes to show that a cheesecake in the hand might just be worth more than a Helen of Troy in the bush.
Owwwiiieee.....
Here is a picture of the same middle class white professional man 14 years later at age 44.
The picture above was a result of environmental factors namely; the North American diet; and a sedentary lifestyle.
The picture below is a result of; fearing the natural consequences of the picture above and the modified TINJ diet.
To get from the picture above to the picture below, I DID NOT DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING:
1> Join a Gym
2> Take up any traditional aerobic activity like jogging, stair climbers, exercise bikes or swimming.
3> Quit smoking.
What I did do was sit ups. Lots of sit ups. In the first picture I was capable of TWO sit ups in a non stop set. In the second photo, I am capable of 100+ oblique twist sit ups in a non stop set.
The Oblique Twist Sit Up is what gave Mohamed Ali & Sylvester Stallone their body core. UNLESS YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING AN UNINTERRUPTED SET OF 30 SIT UPS, WITH A FURTHER UNINTERRUPTED SET OF 30 SIT UPS THE FOLLOWING DAY DO NOT ATTEMPT AN OBLIQUE TWIST SIT UP. You can potentially damage your spinal cord.
To do an Oblique Twist sit up, you require either a spotter to hold down your feet, or a door bottom/piece of furniture to anchor your feet. Start by putting your hand behind your neck and interlocking your fingers. Lie down on your back with feet anchored and fingers interlocked behind your head. Sit up and twist so that your right elbow touches your left knee all the while keeping your hands behind your neck. Sit back until your back touches the ground, and sit up again with a twist this time your left elbow touches your right knee. If you did this properly, you just completed two oblique twist sit ups.
If you let your back roll with your momentum, you risk slipping a disk or damaging a vertebrae. If you pull your neck forward with your hands so as to make it easier for your elbow to touch the alternate knee you run the risk of spinal cord damage. Doing this exercise in proper form isolates your oblique muscles, and your lower abs muscles. Exercising the obliques pulls your inards into your rib cage. Exercising your lower abs tightens all the muscles under your belly button effectively making a certain piece of the male anatomy effectively longer. Doing a lot of these sit ups hurts like hell.
I had initially set the goal of being able to do more than 100 sit ups in a set by my 44th birthday. I later increased the goal to being able to exceed 100 oblique twist sit ups in a set by my birthday. I had been up until recently using Helen of Troy/Medusa images to psyche myself up before my sit up sets, but as of late I had been plateauing. I could only hit 100 oblique twists in a super set (90 non stop and a further 10 after 30 seconds rest), and I could not for the life of me go any higher. It was time to put Helen of Troy to rest, and find a new focus of desire to help me break through my pain barrier. Was it going to be two Serbian women both named Jovanka? Or three demented Russian babes named Svetlana? No, it had to be the ultimate most decadent form of self indulgence I knew of....
It had to be a gourmet cheesecake.
Yesterday while doing my nightly set of 70 oblique twists, I realized I felt good at the 50 sit up mark. I decided to see if I could focus my mind as I approached my pain threshold and GO FOR BROKE. At sit up number 70 I promised myself a five inch Cheesecake 101 gourmet cake if I could exceed 100. By sit up 90 the image of the cake was firmly in my mind and I was in uncharted territory, but then I decided to raise the bar higher, to exceed 100 non stop and if I exceeded 105 non stop, I would buy myself two 5 inch cheesecakes. It was just the inspiration I needed because I pushed myself to 106, non stop with no 30 second rest at any point. My prize, the sorest abs I have ever had and a 5 inch classic cherry cheesecake, with a yet to be decided 5 inch cheesecake for dessert.
Goes to show that a cheesecake in the hand might just be worth more than a Helen of Troy in the bush.
Owwwiiieee.....
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