Being 44, gives me the benefit of some limited hindsight, and since I am past the median age in our society, some authority when I make my observation.
While the isle space devoted in supermarkets to white refined sugar and white flour was decreasing.......
Peoples waistlines and all attendant health problems associated with them were increasing.
White flour and sugar sales to consumers down, while consumers health problems due to diet increase.
I am a heretic. I strongly believe that if people bought at the supermarket in their raw form increased amounts of white sugar and flour they would be healthier.. I sure hope they burn me at the stake for preaching this one, here are two easy ways to increase your consumption of white flour and sugar.
1> White homemade bread
Best to mix using a Kitchen Aid or comparable stand mixture, otherwise treat it as a fantastic arms workout.
6 cups white all purpose flour
2 1/2 cups tepid water
1 tablespoon dry instant yeast or if you can get it, 50 grams fresh cake yeast
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon white sugar
1>Mix all dry ingredients together first
2>Add water(fresh yeast)
3>Using a dough hook set the kitchenaid mixer to mix for 15 minutes at the lowest speed.
cover dough and let rise to double volume and punch down
4>let dough rise again to double volume pucnh down and shape into 4 loaves and lay on baking sheet
5>let dough rise further 25 minutes while preheating oven to 425
6>bake 25 minutes
enjoy hot with butter
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
The Merchants of Death
I like drinking club soda. I drink lots of it as it is a calorie free thirst quencher that does not contain artificial sweeteners. At my favorite supermarket, I deviate from my pattern of perimeter shopping to get to the midpoint of the beverages isle where the cub soda is located. This isle has sodas and sports drinks on the side that has club soda, and fruit juices on the opposite side. I refer to this isle as the "Isle of Death" and it is the source of inspiration for a new composite character Happy Panda, the spin doctor for the beverage industry......
Shreddy - Hello Hitler, how are you today? I see you have brought a friend along.
Hitler - Yes I did Shreddy, her name is Happy Panda, I met her at a holistic retreat. She works as the spokesperson for the Juice industry and she has a really interesting job.
Shreddy - Hello Happy Panda its a pleasure to meet you. I always enjoy meeting new friends of Adolf even if I disagree with them vehemently 99% of the time.
Happy Panda - Well Shreddy, I hope you don't disagree with me. I am a Panda, which is always portrayed in a bening happy manner, and my mission is to teach mothers about nutrition so that they can protect their children from harm. We all agree its everybody's duty to protect the children.......
Shreddy - We should protect children by ruling the bans on cigarette sales to minors as unconstitutional.
Hitler - Shreddy, have you been hanging around free thinking Jews again....
Shreddy - Well Hitler, yes I have been hanging around free thinking Jews. They have figured out an ingenious way of keeping you away so that we could have conversations and a free exchange of ideas in private....
Hitler - #$%&^ chicken fat. I knew it. Anyhow, now is not the time to be selfish. This discussion is about how my friend Happy Panda wants to protect children. We all know that children must be protected at all costs against those that are against the protection of children.
Shreddy - Well, for starters. I have never seen a Panda bear dressed in a Swiss Milkmaids outfit before. Mother nature gave you a perfectly fine coat of fur, why go to the bother of dressing like a Swiss Maid.
Happy Panda - Well everybody knows that Switzerland is a land of peace, meadows, chocolat, Milkmaids, and we can't forget the Bernese Mountain Dog...... Everything that gives images of wholesomeness and peace.
Shreddy - I don't see what on earth Switzerland has to do with selling juice. I have never imagined them to be a fruit exporter, nor a juice producer.
Happy Panda - It's all about creating a halo effect. Fruit and Switzerland are two things that no one can disagree with. Protecting children is another one of them. My mission is to sell mothers on the benefits of fruit juice for their children...
Shreddy - You have a point Happy Panda. Nothing brings to mind a more terrifying image than that of a child afflicted with scurvy......
Happy Panda - What mother would want to see her child slowly waste away. Watch their gums blacken, their teeth fall out, finally the uncontrollable bleeding..... A horrific way for a child to die.
Shreddy - That it is, and to think that all it takes to prevent this tragedy is 60 milligrams of Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C) a day. Lets see, that would be about 40 grams (one and a half ounces) of fresh Red Pepper daily. Alternatively 75 grams (three ounces) of raw broccoli can do it too.
Hitler - Shreddy, whenever you start talking about vegetables..
Shreddy - Yes Hitler vegetables are good eat. It only takes small amounts, if they are wisely chosen to satisfy many of a person's nutritional needs.
Happy Panda - My job is to let mothers know that there is an alternative to eating vegetablles called fruit and vegetable juices. I think children should be protected against scurvy at all costs. Didn't you find vegetables icky when you were a child? Wouldn't you have grown up to be a happier person if your mother provided you with the choice between fresh vegetables or juice?
Shreddy - I actually enjoyed vehgeatbles as a child. My daughters favourite snack growing up was fresh sliced red peppers. Even though they were expensive, I let my little girl eat all the peppers she wanted. They fit my definition of a near perfect food, dense on nutrients, and low on energy.
Happy Panda - Now Shreddy, if you had been a better parent you would have proovided your daughter with the choice of something like grape juice as an alternative to the red peppers.
Shreddy - My child had free access to the fridge. I taught her that juice contained a lot of energy, and because it was acidic it could destroy her teeth. So if she wanted to drink the fruit juice, I made her brush her teeth afterward. However if she chose red peppers and a glass of water for a snack, brushing her teeth was unnecessary.
Happy Panda - Shreddy, by making her brush her teeth after a glass of fruit juice you were influencing her decisions. You were restricting her right to make choices....
Shreddy - Until they are old enough to fully support themselves, a parents job is to guide and if necessary restrict choices.
Happy Panda - Your child would have grown up far happier had you not placed unnecessary restrictions on her consumption of grape juice.....
Shreddy - Happy Panda, if I listened to you, and gave my child unguided access to grape juice at 250 calories per eight ounce glass, my child would have grown up a toothless fat diabetic. I taught her to think for herself, and to always be weary of pitchmen trying to sell poisons using the Halo Effect.
...
Shreddy - Hello Hitler, how are you today? I see you have brought a friend along.
Hitler - Yes I did Shreddy, her name is Happy Panda, I met her at a holistic retreat. She works as the spokesperson for the Juice industry and she has a really interesting job.
Shreddy - Hello Happy Panda its a pleasure to meet you. I always enjoy meeting new friends of Adolf even if I disagree with them vehemently 99% of the time.
Happy Panda - Well Shreddy, I hope you don't disagree with me. I am a Panda, which is always portrayed in a bening happy manner, and my mission is to teach mothers about nutrition so that they can protect their children from harm. We all agree its everybody's duty to protect the children.......
Shreddy - We should protect children by ruling the bans on cigarette sales to minors as unconstitutional.
Hitler - Shreddy, have you been hanging around free thinking Jews again....
Shreddy - Well Hitler, yes I have been hanging around free thinking Jews. They have figured out an ingenious way of keeping you away so that we could have conversations and a free exchange of ideas in private....
Hitler - #$%&^ chicken fat. I knew it. Anyhow, now is not the time to be selfish. This discussion is about how my friend Happy Panda wants to protect children. We all know that children must be protected at all costs against those that are against the protection of children.
Shreddy - Well, for starters. I have never seen a Panda bear dressed in a Swiss Milkmaids outfit before. Mother nature gave you a perfectly fine coat of fur, why go to the bother of dressing like a Swiss Maid.
Happy Panda - Well everybody knows that Switzerland is a land of peace, meadows, chocolat, Milkmaids, and we can't forget the Bernese Mountain Dog...... Everything that gives images of wholesomeness and peace.
Shreddy - I don't see what on earth Switzerland has to do with selling juice. I have never imagined them to be a fruit exporter, nor a juice producer.
Happy Panda - It's all about creating a halo effect. Fruit and Switzerland are two things that no one can disagree with. Protecting children is another one of them. My mission is to sell mothers on the benefits of fruit juice for their children...
Shreddy - You have a point Happy Panda. Nothing brings to mind a more terrifying image than that of a child afflicted with scurvy......
Happy Panda - What mother would want to see her child slowly waste away. Watch their gums blacken, their teeth fall out, finally the uncontrollable bleeding..... A horrific way for a child to die.
Shreddy - That it is, and to think that all it takes to prevent this tragedy is 60 milligrams of Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C) a day. Lets see, that would be about 40 grams (one and a half ounces) of fresh Red Pepper daily. Alternatively 75 grams (three ounces) of raw broccoli can do it too.
Hitler - Shreddy, whenever you start talking about vegetables..
Shreddy - Yes Hitler vegetables are good eat. It only takes small amounts, if they are wisely chosen to satisfy many of a person's nutritional needs.
Happy Panda - My job is to let mothers know that there is an alternative to eating vegetablles called fruit and vegetable juices. I think children should be protected against scurvy at all costs. Didn't you find vegetables icky when you were a child? Wouldn't you have grown up to be a happier person if your mother provided you with the choice between fresh vegetables or juice?
Shreddy - I actually enjoyed vehgeatbles as a child. My daughters favourite snack growing up was fresh sliced red peppers. Even though they were expensive, I let my little girl eat all the peppers she wanted. They fit my definition of a near perfect food, dense on nutrients, and low on energy.
Happy Panda - Now Shreddy, if you had been a better parent you would have proovided your daughter with the choice of something like grape juice as an alternative to the red peppers.
Shreddy - My child had free access to the fridge. I taught her that juice contained a lot of energy, and because it was acidic it could destroy her teeth. So if she wanted to drink the fruit juice, I made her brush her teeth afterward. However if she chose red peppers and a glass of water for a snack, brushing her teeth was unnecessary.
Happy Panda - Shreddy, by making her brush her teeth after a glass of fruit juice you were influencing her decisions. You were restricting her right to make choices....
Shreddy - Until they are old enough to fully support themselves, a parents job is to guide and if necessary restrict choices.
Happy Panda - Your child would have grown up far happier had you not placed unnecessary restrictions on her consumption of grape juice.....
Shreddy - Happy Panda, if I listened to you, and gave my child unguided access to grape juice at 250 calories per eight ounce glass, my child would have grown up a toothless fat diabetic. I taught her to think for herself, and to always be weary of pitchmen trying to sell poisons using the Halo Effect.
...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Chicktoria Disease - Solutions
Chicktoria Disease - Part VI Pond Poaching
To avoid the dreaded curse of spinsterhood, many women from Victoria have resorted to tried and true methods of securing a mate, mail order husbands. They cast their lures into another pond, and see what they can reel in. Surprisingly, the fishing is very good. The preferred pond to cast for a mate is the United Kingdom. Finding a mate there means no language barriers, no cultural barriers and an opportunity to find someone who is more polite than an American.
There are several types of UK men that make prime catches, and the techniques of fishing for them differ. Based upon the lure or bait that is used, a different kind of man is caught.
1> Prime Young Silver-back (early 40's)
These are fit educated men who have achieved their initial life's objectives, and are ready for the next adventure. Being in their early 40s they remember the UK that once was, and they long for it. To catch one of these, you use the internet. The woman simply signs up for a internet based matchmaking service, and cybercasts about the UK. The UK silver-backs sense that there is a Canadian lure nearby and they swarm about the lure like squid attracted to a fishing lamp.
The Canadian woman is now in control, she has a menu of available men that could not be dreamed of in Victoria, and she goes about interviewing prospective mates. While the UK silver-backs dream of a place where one can go downtown and hear the Queen's English spoken.... End result, a Victoria woman can take her pick of men that look like Daniel Craig, and are employable and have a work ethic.
2> Ethnic Arranged Mate 30s
These are usually Victorians whose family roots are in the Indian subcontinent. The Indo-Canadian woman refuses to marry a Surrey Prince. Time to bring over a Physician or Pharmacist from the UK. Call the matchmaker, arrange a match and everyone lives happily ever after. Plus there is lots of dancing.
3> Educated Young Bucks 20s
To catch these the Victoria woman generally has to go to where these men can be found. However there are instances of successfully landed men of this category caught over the internet. The woman has to get off the rock and either travel to the UK, or to places that young men from the UK travel to. Then all they have to do is subtly broadcast that they are Canadian.
Again a similar scenario plays out with these as with the early 40s silver-backs. These young men have heard of British Columbia, and they have heard stories from their parents about what it was like to hear the Queen's English spoken downtown. They fly towards the Canadian woman in the hopes of being picked....
Being a woman in Victoria does not mean one is condemned to a life of loneliness. Necessity is the mother of invention and the fruits of success go to those women who display initiative.
To avoid the dreaded curse of spinsterhood, many women from Victoria have resorted to tried and true methods of securing a mate, mail order husbands. They cast their lures into another pond, and see what they can reel in. Surprisingly, the fishing is very good. The preferred pond to cast for a mate is the United Kingdom. Finding a mate there means no language barriers, no cultural barriers and an opportunity to find someone who is more polite than an American.
There are several types of UK men that make prime catches, and the techniques of fishing for them differ. Based upon the lure or bait that is used, a different kind of man is caught.
1> Prime Young Silver-back (early 40's)
These are fit educated men who have achieved their initial life's objectives, and are ready for the next adventure. Being in their early 40s they remember the UK that once was, and they long for it. To catch one of these, you use the internet. The woman simply signs up for a internet based matchmaking service, and cybercasts about the UK. The UK silver-backs sense that there is a Canadian lure nearby and they swarm about the lure like squid attracted to a fishing lamp.
The Canadian woman is now in control, she has a menu of available men that could not be dreamed of in Victoria, and she goes about interviewing prospective mates. While the UK silver-backs dream of a place where one can go downtown and hear the Queen's English spoken.... End result, a Victoria woman can take her pick of men that look like Daniel Craig, and are employable and have a work ethic.
2> Ethnic Arranged Mate 30s
These are usually Victorians whose family roots are in the Indian subcontinent. The Indo-Canadian woman refuses to marry a Surrey Prince. Time to bring over a Physician or Pharmacist from the UK. Call the matchmaker, arrange a match and everyone lives happily ever after. Plus there is lots of dancing.
3> Educated Young Bucks 20s
To catch these the Victoria woman generally has to go to where these men can be found. However there are instances of successfully landed men of this category caught over the internet. The woman has to get off the rock and either travel to the UK, or to places that young men from the UK travel to. Then all they have to do is subtly broadcast that they are Canadian.
Again a similar scenario plays out with these as with the early 40s silver-backs. These young men have heard of British Columbia, and they have heard stories from their parents about what it was like to hear the Queen's English spoken downtown. They fly towards the Canadian woman in the hopes of being picked....
Being a woman in Victoria does not mean one is condemned to a life of loneliness. Necessity is the mother of invention and the fruits of success go to those women who display initiative.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
How to Get The Body You Dreamed of.... The Hercegovian Way....
If one is ever fortunate enough to visit Hercegovina the first thing that jumps out at you is that the people look absolutely fabulous. They smoke, they drink, they eat white bread and they love their refined sugar. The breakfast of champions consists of Turkish Coffee, a shot or two of brandy, several cigarettes and cookies.
In Hercegovina you will never see anybody other than someone who doesn't belong in Hercegovina running.
What then is the Hercegovian secret to looking so fabulous???? Don't wear your body out....... If you need to spend more than one hour per week working out, you are putting unnecessary wear and tear on your body.
So here is my workout routine. I call it the "Hercegovian Re-Integrative Workout". It requires one hour per week, and you never need to set foot in a gym.
Sit Ups
You do a set of proper sit ups with your feet firmly anchored and with your elbows touching the knees six days per week. You do your set of sit ups no more than 60 minutes after your big meal of the day. The logic behind doing your sit ups after your big meal is simple. You put too much food in you, your sit up set will be very excruciating. Putting the calories into your mouth means having to wear out your body burning the calories off. Try to do minimum a set of 50 sit ups, ideally oblique twist sit ups. (total time 3 minutes 6 times per week = 18 minutes)
Push Ups
You do a proper set of push ups six days per week. Form is more important than sheer numbers. Do a minimum of 20 in your set. I always do my push ups before I do my sit ups. (total time 2 minutes 6 times per week = 12 minutes).
Grip Bar
The ultimate body re-integrative tool. It is basically a high grade chin up bar that allows your body to have a range of motion that is horizontal (rotational), and vertical. It is covered with oleo-rosin grip tape so that when your hand(s) grips the bar, they physically anchor and adhere to it. The grip is so strong that your wrist will snap far sooner than your grip will slip. You use the bar to do chin ups, pull ups, pikes, torso twists, kips, hyper extensions, etc. Every time you go up the bar, you have a beneficial side effect of providing traction to the lumbar region. (total time 10 minutes 3 times per week = 30 minutes).
Why waste your time destroying your body running or joining a gym? After all life offers far more fulfilling pursuits than tedium and sheer repetition. Pursuits like eating white bread, cracking out on refined sugar, or even......................
In Hercegovina you will never see anybody other than someone who doesn't belong in Hercegovina running.
What then is the Hercegovian secret to looking so fabulous???? Don't wear your body out....... If you need to spend more than one hour per week working out, you are putting unnecessary wear and tear on your body.
So here is my workout routine. I call it the "Hercegovian Re-Integrative Workout". It requires one hour per week, and you never need to set foot in a gym.
Sit Ups
You do a set of proper sit ups with your feet firmly anchored and with your elbows touching the knees six days per week. You do your set of sit ups no more than 60 minutes after your big meal of the day. The logic behind doing your sit ups after your big meal is simple. You put too much food in you, your sit up set will be very excruciating. Putting the calories into your mouth means having to wear out your body burning the calories off. Try to do minimum a set of 50 sit ups, ideally oblique twist sit ups. (total time 3 minutes 6 times per week = 18 minutes)
Push Ups
You do a proper set of push ups six days per week. Form is more important than sheer numbers. Do a minimum of 20 in your set. I always do my push ups before I do my sit ups. (total time 2 minutes 6 times per week = 12 minutes).
Grip Bar
The ultimate body re-integrative tool. It is basically a high grade chin up bar that allows your body to have a range of motion that is horizontal (rotational), and vertical. It is covered with oleo-rosin grip tape so that when your hand(s) grips the bar, they physically anchor and adhere to it. The grip is so strong that your wrist will snap far sooner than your grip will slip. You use the bar to do chin ups, pull ups, pikes, torso twists, kips, hyper extensions, etc. Every time you go up the bar, you have a beneficial side effect of providing traction to the lumbar region. (total time 10 minutes 3 times per week = 30 minutes).
Why waste your time destroying your body running or joining a gym? After all life offers far more fulfilling pursuits than tedium and sheer repetition. Pursuits like eating white bread, cracking out on refined sugar, or even......................
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