JANE GOODALL - Darn Shreddy, it cast a shadow but it was only 7.2 millimeters long. Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh Cambridge! The Chimpees have raised another $5 million. I have a problem with people making human to chimpanzee comparisons.
SHREDDY - As do I Lady Jane. Comparing a human to a chimpanzee is generally insulting to the chimpanzee. People have this misconception that we evolved from chimpanzees when in fact we evolved from a common ancestor. Chimpanzees are our cousins and in many ways their brains are far more advanced than ours.
JANE GOODALL - Short term memory is one area where chimpanzees have an innate advantage over human beings. In tests of repeating 15 random alphanumeric digits back in order from a touch-pad, a six year old chimpanzee handily beats a PhD in Mathematics. Swinging from branches their minds conceptualization of space is less abstract but far more detailed manner than we do.
SHREDDY - Is it easier for you to search and destroy if I flex my latissimus dorsi for you?
JANE GOODALL - If you just move your head forward I think I can detect unnaturally symmetrical spots better. Most people would find it quite odd that your initial interest in your own genetics was completely concerned with your X matriarchal line.
SHREDDY - If one is male, it is within your matriarchal line that all the clues for ones own potential genetic train-wrecks lies. Take my own case, male pattern baldness, a recessive gene that is passed on from mother to son. Hiatus Hernia is another recessive gene I inherited from mom. It was when I was discussing my experience with the disorder, and how it spontaneously seemed to reverse itself with my Ujko (bloodline male relative mothers side) that the pepper baiting that E Troupe had performed all came into context.
JANE GOODALL - Your mother's older brother had to have his esophagus reconstructed with a very invasive surgery, and you were being considered for the same operation at the same age that he was when he had his problem. However at that time you experienced a major stress event in your life and that stress was a catalyst for a spontaneous change.
SHREDDY - For no apparent reason I had started eating very slowly and putting obscene amounts of black pepper on anything I could. It was eleven years later while having a discussion with my Ujko that I realized that during my body's natural replenish/replacement process a different gene that I had inherited from my father became active and a gene that was initially active and inherited from my mother became inactive. A dramatic change in my environment gave rise to a inherited hardwired behavior that led to a physiological change manifesting itself as a spontaneous cure of my Hiatus Hernia.
JANE GOODALL - Saved you from having to have your stomach muscles cut and your ribcage sawed open. Your 72 year old uncle has a torso that could sell $200 designer undershirts. Imagine if he hadn't had that invasive surgery, his could have been the oldest torso in the world modeling water.
SHREDDY - Lady Jane, do you miss Professor Leaky?
JANE GOODALL - I don't miss him as much as I miss the male attention. He did a wonderful job of imitating a troglodyte when he was randy. Hold still for a second Shreddy, on your right trapezius is a bump. I sure hope that we can find a spaghetti shadow caster that is more than a centimeter long, just think if we can buy Rhodesia and turn it into a chimpanzee preserve.
SHREDDY - Have you considered suggesting Rwanda as an alternate country for Melinda Gates to purchase for the Chimpees? It has more unspoiled chimpanzee habitat.
JANE GOODALL - At one time Rhodesia was the breadbasket of Sub-Saharan Africa. It was all nice tidy farms like in England. Then they became Zimbabwe, and everything went downhill from there. The country is available to purchase for a fire-sale price. To buy Rwanda we would have to get Oprah on board and the next thing you know Dr. Phil will be giving the chimpanzees self esteem issues.
to be continued
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