(the scene continues with Professor Jane Goodall continuing to groom Shreddy's back chimpanzee style. She has been unable to find a spectacular trophy blackhead for the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, so she has decided to change her search and destroy strategy)
JANE GOODALL - Do you have a grease pen handy? I want to mark this bump but I don't want to use a black Sharpie marker. I get extremely dizzy from the fumes and I would hate to think what the aromatic hydrocarbons within a Sharpie would do to your cell tissue.
SHREDDY - I don't have a grease pen, would nail polish work?
JANE GOODALL - Nail polish should work. I have a different plan for hunting the one centimeter spaghetti snake shadow caster. Instead of hunting him down and destroying him right away, I identify him in his potential hiding place and tag him with nail polish. Then I find all the other potential OCSSSCs, and mark them with nail polish. We keep our friends close and the OCSSSCs even closer. We watch and wait and like the sword of Damocles, we strike when we are certain that they can break the centimeter barrier.
SHREDDY - Do you want me to flex or contract the right trapezius?
JANE GOODALL - Flex it please. It appears that stress is the key to allowing an individual to accelerate the adaption that normally takes place through the bodies own natural replication/renewal process. Stress is so destructive, I have always felt it's not what you eat that kills you but what eats you. But then again my good friend Sir Edmund Hilary wrote the "Joys of Stress" and started the whole stress acceptance movement
SHREDDY - Stress is a double edged sword. It can kill you, but it can also create a genetic point of resonance in the body that can allow a dormant gene to become active, or a precondition for an active gene to become dormant.
JANE GOODALL - How do you go about stressing your system? Living amongst the chimpanzees the only time I ever felt stress was when Frodo was in a bad mood.
SHREDDY - I do own body weight resistance exercises to stress compound muscle groups, and I live with an alcoholic which puts me in an overall generalized anxious state. By having a high degree of agitation within my life I manage to achieve a state characterized by a high degree of physiological plasticity. It may sound weird, but I visualize my body as a grapevine and myself as an arbourist training the vine to an espalier.
JANE GOODALL - Why don't you just simply join a gym, lift some weights and pack on some muscles. I am certain you can control the shaping of your body to a far greater degree and perhaps even find a mate. In case you haven't figured it out yet, the bizarre lifestyle you have been leading of 8:00PM bedtimes on week nights gets in the way of finding a mate.
SHREDDY - Stress is very destructive to the body Lady Jane. One has to ensure that they get adequate sleep. It is only during the rest state that the body can grow. Living with a alcoholic for a short term period is a wonderful way to cause a very high generalized stress level. I have a couple of dietary aids and supplements that I use to achieve a rest state that allow me to trick my body into a neuro-muscular rest state that would be otherwise unattainable.
JANE GOODALL - I am starting to find you quite entertaining, live hard and rest harder. I sure hope you have not been seeing Michael Jackson's anesthesiologist?
SHREDDY - Lady Jane, I have been using natural substances derived from the plant and animal kingdom. Besides I can't afford nightly anesthesia.
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