Monday, February 22, 2010

Two Sleeps Til Belgrade

(the scene opens with Shreddy in his study attacking his pull up bar. He is listening to alternating songs by Thompson (Marko Perkovic) & Rush (Aleksandar Živojinović). For each song a set of four pull ups from a full hang. Bogdan the master of disguise for the Pink Panthers (Worlds top crew of jewel thieves from the Serbian city of Niš) walks in and surprises Shreddy).

SHREDDY - Bogdan you know I hate surprises. I am trying to get into shape for my trip to Serbia.

BOGDAN - Then you should be doing your oblique twist sit ups and lots of push ups instead of wasting your time doing pull ups. Are you expecting to go tree climbing with the Jovankas?

SHREDDY - If I have time to think about Jovankas, I have the energy to do more pull ups.

BOGDAN - The boys and I know that you have been thinking about pull ups instead of the Jovankas. You have got to snap out of your obsession with defying the law of gravity.

(Bogdan hands Shreddy an envelope and Shreddy looks inside and notices a post it note inside)

SHREDDY - It's a post it note with three names written in Cyrillic on it on it, Jovanka, Rajka, & Rudmilla.

BOGDAN - Three of Serbia's finest, they will take your mind off of the Bosanka.

SHREDDY - Thanks Bogdan but I don't need any call girls, why don't you donate the money you guys would spend entertaining me to the Belgrade Woman's Shelter.

BOGDAN - Shreddy you have to get your mind off of the Bosanka. These ladies are from Nis with roots from Kosovo, they are Serbia's finest team of man-eaters. They will melt the polish off of your toenails they are so fiery hot.

SHREDDY - I don't polish my toenails.

BOGDAN - If you don't polish your toenails what were you doing buying the same shade of purple nail polish that the Bosanka wears. We have you on store surveillance video purchasing it along with it being cross referenced to your Save-on-More card. It's the same shade that she has been buying. Has that woman cast a spell on you?

SHREDDY - My Bosanka friend saved me from wearing green toenail paint. A German lady that resembles Cameron Diaz and practices Shamanic Arts that I had been trying to provoke a dare out of had suggested green. I was under her spell, and only a Bosanka's magic could have saved me from sporting green toenails.

BOGDAN - You are still traumatized from the episode last fall when you wore the chartreuse green.

SHREDDY - Darn rights I am. I am certain that my painted toenails caused that woman to trip in the stairway at my office. She broke her wrist required surgery to fix it and she brought me pistachio nuts and a thank you card. Then an hour after the poor lady broke her arm, I had late 30s unmarried professional woman traumatize me with her mating display, stroking the organic black forest ham.

BOGDAN - Calm down Shreddy. Our friends will take care of you and convince you to cut your trip to Croatia shorter and to check out our hometown of Nis. You will forget about the green toenails and the black forest ham indecent. Nis is the only place in Serbia where you can find a newly qualified Physician that can make homemade Banitsa. There you can find a Metallurgical Engineer that can make Banitsa. You can find a PhD in Mathematics that can make Banitsa. You could find a bride in any chosen profession that can make Banitsa. Hell there is even a newly qualified Psychiatrist Banitsa league

SHREDDY - Don't worry Bogdan I am not gay.

BOGDAN - You are coordinating your toenails with that Bosanka. That is settled, you need help. Whether you like it or not Jovanka, Rajka & Rudmilla are showing up at the Hitler suite Thursday at 7:

SHREDDY - I have downgraded to the Vladimir Putin suite. Got to flex my pecs in front of his statue.

BOGDAN - We used Panther communication and already paid the women. They are showing up Thursday night at the Hitler suite so you can make your own Max Mosley Video. We can't get any messages to them because they are in lock down practicing their German.

SHREDDY - Some lucky businessman is going to fall in love with Belgrade.

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