Corruption in Croatia. Help Me Pink Panthers (part 2 Where Are My Oakleys?)

(the scene continues where we left off in part#1. Shreddy and Cetko the Herzegovian had just taken the panther pill and they are unconscious in the ruins of the dualist Church of Saint Peter in Shreddy's ancestral village of Tinj. Bogdan the master of disguise for the Pink Panthers the worlds foremost gang of jewel thieves based out of the Serbian city of Nis, is carefully watching over them. While they are writhing about, he removes from Shreddy's pocket his gold Saint George Sovereign that helps him deal with indecision. In addition he removes Shreddy's Oakley Gascans with the cross polarized lenses, and Cetko's Oakley Gascans Ducati edition. Around the bend comes Jovan Boskovic, member of the elite Pink Panther drag team, the master thieves that put on black vintage woman's Chanel suits and take out 120KG security guards with a single non-lethal blow. Jovan Boskovic disappears with the glasses and the gold coin of indecision. Gradually Shreddy and Cetko emerge from their comatose state)

SHREDDY - "What the hell has happened to us. It feels like the wildest acid trip I ever had in my life. Can I have another pill please?"

CETKO - "Shreddy are you out of your mind? I feel the same as after the time I took the train to Zagreb many years ago, and the monkeys that live along the roof of the Glavni Kolovodor (Central Train Station) masturbated on me"

(Bogdan the master of disguise for the Pink Panthers the worlds foremost gang of jewel thieves based out of the Serbian city of Nis, leans over to Shreddy and whispers in his ear, so that Cetko can't hear)

BOGDAN - "Cetko thinks that pigeon poo is monkey semen. If you tell him otherwise he will suffer a heart attack and die"

SHREDDY - "Where are my Oakley Gascans"

CETKO - "Where are my Oakley Gascans. I kind of like them, I feel like I am a terminator"



BOGDAN - "Jovan Boskovic of our elite drag strike team has taken them to the Ciganka (gypsy) Queen to get enchanted with a special power for the two of you."

SHREDDY - "Where is my coin of indecision? If I don't have it and I don't have my gyrating Jesus on a spring how can I make up my mind for a course of action when I am confronted with two indifferent choices. It's not like University multiple choice Psychology exams where when in doubt I can choose choice C"

BOGDAN - "The Ciganka Queen does not work for free. She will enchant the glasses for a price, and that is Saint George"

CETKO - "You should get your wish of a fine Serbian wife thrown in for that coin. It's 22 carat gold and a Ciganka can normally grant your wish for a few Convertible Marks"

BOGDAN - "Cetko, don't be greedy. You two will be granted a dualist power that when you two both wear your Oakleys and together cast a menacing gaze on people, nothing short of our newly developed Jadraka Kosor disguise will be as powerful"

SHREDDY - "I feel really weird right now"

CETKO - "I feel strange too. What did that pill do to us?"

BOGDAN - "That pill you took has granted you Panther Powers. It takes your most outstanding three abilities and raises them one order of magnitude. In the case of you Cetko, your strength has been magnified ten times. Your ability to figure out anything mechanical and improvise/craft objects with your hands has been increased tenfold, as has your ability to figure out the simplest solution to a very complicated problem."

SHREDDY - "What Panther Powers did I gain?"

BOGDAN - "Shreddy your gymnastic/acrobatic abilities have been increased tenfold. Your feminine intuition has been increased by an order of magnitude and if you are within 20 meters of a woman you can also read her mind. Plus finally your bodies ability to achieve an anabolic state on refined white sugar and white flour has been increased tenfold. Given 48 hours each kilo of white flour and white sugar you have can transform your body, it is our most advanced form of prosthetic makeup. However while you are in your anabolic state Cetko has to protect you as you will be in a coma and defenseless"

(Cetko reaches into his pocket and pulls out two freshly ironed pairs of white socks. He takes off the black socks that Shreddy gave him and puts on the white ones. He hands the other pair of white socks to Shreddy)

SHREDDY - "What are these white socks for? I want us to wear the Full Balkan gangster outfit of head to toe in black"

CETKO - "Shreddy, if you are wearing black socks people will think that you are gay. You wear white socks so that you can show the world that you are not gay as you have a woman to do your washing for you"

(Meanwhile Jovan Boskovic is over at the Ciganka Queens wagon. he gives her Shreddy's gold sovereign of indecision. The Ciganka Queen takes the gold coin and chops it in half with an axe. She places each half of the gold coin in a leather sack. She then kills two chickens with an axe and places their heads and entrails in each sack. Afterward she takes Cetko's Oakley Gascan Ducati edition and places them in one of the bags, and Shreddy's Oakley Gascans with the cross polarized lenses in the other sack. She then mumbles a gypsy spell and two bolts of lightning spring from the heavens, and hit the sacks. When the smoke from the lightning strike disappears, Cetko's and Shreddy's Oakleys are intact. Jovan thanks the Ciganka Queen and departs from her wagon.)

(meanwhile back at the ruins of Saint Peter's Church in Shreddy's ancestral village of Tinj, Cetko and Shreddy are practicing their new Panther Powers. Cetko holds down his hands and Shreddy steps on them with Cetko subsequently throwing Shreddy great distances with Shreddy vaulting through the air like a Chinese acrobat and catching tree branches or landing safely a great distance away on both feet)

SHREDDY - "Dudes this is fun. I was 90% of the way towards being able to achieve a standing back-flip and now I can out perform a Chinese acrobat"

CETKO - "Shreddy now that you can do things like a monkey, all I ask is that you don't throw monkey seamen at me."

BOGDAN - "Shreddy you can do standing back-flips now in seven inch heeled stiletto stripper shoes"

SHREDDY - "That is way to cool, my ultimate aim was to be able to do standing back-flips wearing four inch heeled black Nine West pumps"

CETKO - "Shreddy, when was the last time you went to confession. You strike me as some form of a sexual deviant"

SHREDDY - "Cetko, when was the last time you had sex with a woman that was not of the Orthodox faith"

(Cetko freezes motionless as he know Shreddy has his number. Other than visiting Banja Luka and going to the brothels there he has never had sex with a woman other than one of the Orthodox faith)

SHREDDY - " Your sister washes these white socks doesn't she?"

CETKO - "Yes I admit it my sister washes these white socks"

(Jovan Boskovic returns with the Oakleys from the Ciganka Queens wagon. Shreddy and Cetko both put their Gacsans on)

JOVAN - "This weapon of dualism is very powerful. Only a Pink Panther is immune to the effect of your menacing gaze"

SHREDDY - "What can these glasses allow us to do?"

(Ratko Simulic the master of smashing stolen Rolls Royces into walls returns. He opens his Panther Sack, and out tumbles in handcuffs with his mouth duct taped the Zagreb cop that tried to rob Shreddy)

SHREDDY - "It's you, the same little thieving round headed individual that conjugates with his mother"

(The thieving Zagreb cop has the look of terror in his eyes. Shreddy and Cetko both put on their Oakleys and cast a menacing gaze at the corrupt Zagreb cop. When the corrupt Zagreb cop sees the gaze of both Cetko and Shreddy wearing Oakleys, he has the mother of all diarrhea and craps his pants plus he pisses out all over himself two liters of urine. Bogdan removes the duct tape that covers the corrupt Zagreb cops mouth and he screams in agony. Cetko and Shreddy remove their Oakleys).

CORRUPT ZAGREB COP - "Please don't kill me? I am sorry for what I have done"

SHREDDY - "Will you ever try to rob a tourist again? Because if you do we will use the menacing gaze weapon on you in the center of Ban Jelancic square on a beautiful summer day when there are thousands of people there."

CORRUPT ZAGREB COP - "I swear on my grandmothers grave that I will never try to rob a tourist again. I also swear that I will from this moment on perform all of my duties in an honest and transparent manner in accordance with the Rule of Law"

SHREDDY - "Thank you Bogdan and Jovan for these powers. We can now tackle corruption one asshole at a time."

CETKO - "I would still prefer if you allowed a Herzegovian woman to make an asshole wish that he had never been born. I have some pet theories that I would rather be testing with these new Panther Powers"