Belgrade is one of the safest metropolis cities in the world. There are some bad parts that it is inadvisable to visit under any circumstances and these are on the fringes of New Belgrade where there are encampments of Gypsies. If you do not go out of your way to look for trouble and you take the most basic of tourist precautions. You can be assured of a safe and pleasant stay.
These are the recommendations that any sane and normal person should follow. But who would ever think that I am sane and normal.
How does a person find oneself in trouble? Usually it happens this way. You are walking down a sidewalk, and ahead of you are two young small hooligans pushing each other. As you walk by them, one of the young hooligans pushes the other young hooligan into you hard. You have two choices:
1> You straighten yourself out and continue on your way, and ignore the deliberate assault. This is the most advisable course of action as the young hooligans are merely having some fun and hoping that they run into another young hooligan with whom they can have some more fun.
2> You look at the two young punks and figure you can easily take them both single-handily as they are half your size and you shove the young hooligan that pushed the hooligan into you against a wall. This is the dumb course of action as there are 10 to 12 of his friends around a corner out of sight waiting for someone to do the dumb move. You will certainly get beaten up and most likely robbed too.
If the young hooligans are dressed head to toe in black, you have run into a band of junior gravediggers that are trying to make bones and become full fledged NK Partizan "Grobari" the most feared gang of football hooligans in the world.
Now if you either have a death wish, are borderline insane, or have the balls of a Cape Buffalo there is a third choice. Provided that you are wearing the "Full Balkan Gangster", black head to toe and a big gold chain that represents several years wages down in Serbia. You can go hunting for colors.
The game goes like this:
1> You spot two young hooligans dressed head to toe in black pushing each other on the sidewalk.
2> You put on your Oakleys and make a detour.
3> You go looking for the 10 to 12 friends that are hiding, hoping to burn off some youthful energy.
4> You walk right up to the ambush crew and point out to the leader that you are very aware of who they are and that you like his scarf.
5> You whip out a wad of Euros that represents a months wages.
6> You make a very fair offer to the leader for his colors that he can't refuse.
7> You buy his colors off him for 15 to 20 Euros.
8> You give them another 5 Euros so that the boys can have some beers on you.
My Serbian friends think I am absolutely insane, but I am not. If you do not show any fear and you walk straight up to the band of young hooligans. They will immediately assume that you are very heavily armed and very dangerous. Most of them will have knives, the leader might be packing a pistol. They will assume that you are either packing two expensive nice German pistols or a very expensive nice German sub-machine gun. You have successfully turned the tables and the hunter has become the hunted.
The kids are happy since they think they have met a serious bad-ass that they could hope to one day be like. The kids are also very happy because they can buy the scarf for 12 Euros at NK Partizan stadium, and they have some money for beer. They might even ask you to pose for a picture with them. If you don't crap your pants, you are very happy too as you have taken the colors off a gravedigger. Plus you have the satisfaction that you did so in a non-violent, fair and ethical transaction.
No wonder I love being in Belgrade..... Now to make it back to Canada where I will proudly be hanging my NK Partizan Grobari (Gravedigger) colors on my office wall.
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