My New Rubix Cube

When I was a child I received a Rubix Cube. It is a mathematical puzzle that has 54 faces to a cube in six colours. The object is to start with the same colours on the same side, mix them ups, and resort the colours on the same side again. There is a mathematical formula and some principals involved. As a child I did not understand these parameters and the Rubix Cube nearly drove me to madness.

I am facing a similar block right now. Last night was my first try-out for the dragon boat racing team that will be representing Canada in the 2012 World Championships. They have a training program that will make most of the men that are trying out quit, with an early morning double practice on Sunday mornings. The paddlers that are competing against me for a spot on the roster are all more experienced than I am, with a far superior technique. However I have one ace up my sleeve and whether I make the team is ultimately going to depend on whether I can use my ace. Only one member of the actual team roster that I am aware of can beat me in doing pull ups. Nobody on the team roster can touch me in doing oblique twists. Everybody but one paddler trying out can beat me in technique. My Rubix Cube is how to apply 99th percentile upper body strength and 99.9th percentile core strength to a piece of wood called a paddle to a liquid called water.

I need to find a coach who does not have a freakish strength parameter for paddling, but instead relies on skill. I need someone who can survive on the basis of brains rather than brawn. I need a coach that can teach me their method correctly, so that I can apply my freakish strength to the water. A man cannot teach me because ultimately a man resorts to brawn and using brawn is not going to earn me a spot on the roster. I need to learn how to use my brain. I need a woman to teach me technique.

Had I been in Europe, getting a woman to help you out of a jamb is easy. Put on a Canadian Flag bandanna and make puppy dog eyes. When one is the human equivalent of a shar pei puppy, European women are there to help. How am I going to find a female paddler that can teach me what I need to know so I can go extremely fast? What quid pro quo can I possibly offer? The Canadian Flag bandanna with the puppy dog eyes does not work in Canada at all. How many women that paddle want to learn how to do pull ups?